June 25
Collin, giving a play-by-play of his new pet: My caterpillar got out of his lair!
June 18
Spencer, very seriously, watching me make Vlad's Father's Day Cake: Mommy, you should travel the world making cakes! You would make millions of dollars! Cha-ching!
My arms want to fall off when I think of how many cakes that would take!
June 17
Me: Spencer, will you help Claire get her bike out of the trunk?
Spencer: How many dollars do I get?
Me: Dollars? None.
Spencer: I never get paid!
Me: Paid? To help your sister?! You've got to be kidding!
Spencer: Hey, Mommy, I'm a businessboy. I want money!
Me: Katya, you are so stinky!
Katya: I poot.
June 14
Collin, after I pinched off a bit of skin from a scrape on his ankle: Ouch! That hurted like a sheep. Now I know what a goldfish feels like......AND a sheep!
June 8
Spencer, in a tirade of outrageous behavior at Costco: You mean you're going to give [the pop] to [Claire]?! I'm eight years old, and my life is in ruins!
June 1
Collin, at the skatepark, surrounded by pot heads and one guy without a shirt: Look at all these skateboarders! Just look at them! And that guy (the guy without the shirt) is totally out! I mean, he's gonna attract a woman like that! What is he thinking?
I don't think my kids were made for the skateboarding crowd.
May 24
Me, getting into the childhood silliness when talking about Spring: I love the pink blossom trees. I love them so much I want to marry them!
Spencer, laughing: You can't marry a tree! If you did, then you couldn't have babies; you would just have wood chips!
May 23
Collin, lovingly speaking about his hamster: I named him Mosquito, because he bites me a lot, just like a real mosquito!
May 22
Me, getting ready for church: I don't know what to wear to church today.
Spencer: I know! How about your wedding gown?
Me: My wedding gown? No, you only wear that when you're getting married.
Spencer: Really? I would wear that baby!
May 16
Katya, in her sing-song voice that ends every sentence like a question, urging me to hurry so we could go outside: [C]'mon, Mommy! 'mon!
Me: I'm coming! I just have to get dressed.
Katya: Dessed? 'mon, Mommy!
Me: I'm coming.
Katya: 'Mon!
Me: In a minute!
Katya: Minute?
Me: Yes, I'll be there in a minute.
Katya: 'Minute? 'Mon!
Me: Katya, hold on.
Katya: 'old on?
Me: Yes, be patient.
Katya: pasent?
Me: Yes, patient.
Katya: 'Mon, Mommy!
Me: Katya, shhhhhh!
Katya: ssssss?
Me: yes, quiet.
Katya: Kai-et?
Me: yes, you need to be quiet for a minute.
Katya: Kai- et?
Me: Gosh, I need earplugs.
Katya: Noooooooooo? 'Mon, Mommy!
May 15
Collin, whose breakfast was interrupted when I realized he'd lost his hamster: Mommy said we can't eat until we find that darn hamster!
May 12
Collin, about his new pet hamster: I love my hamster! I love him like he's my own son. And when I'm holding him and no one else is there, I almost cry.
May 11
Vlad: Today is my birthday, boys, so you have to treat me really good today! And since I'm going to work, I'm transferring all my birthday rights to mommy while I'm gone!
There are major perks to being the stay-at-home parent.
Me, calling to Katya after realizing the house had gone quiet and hoping that she hadn't snuck outside with the other kids: Katya? Katya?
Katya's little voice, from upstairs: What?
Me: Are you here?
Katya: Yeah. I seeping!
She is the most mature nearly-two-year-old I've ever known.
May 9
Spencer, in an unusual gush of brotherly love: Katya is so cute and so beautiful.... but she has a poopy diaper. You gotta change that, because otherwise she's the sweetest baby in the world!
Collin: I know! She's sooooo beautiful! But she's really stinky!
May 7
Vlad, to me as he went outside to work: If you can find me, you can kiss me! If you can't, I'm behind the car!"
April 30
Katya, seeing a sweater for her amid my good garage-sale finds, and picking it up to admire it: Ohh, eh doot!!
Translation: Oh, that's cute!!
April 29
Collin, with his usual pre-breakfast question, which is always followed by a complaint once he gets his answer: Mom, what's for breakfast?
Me, deciding to let him save his dignity and actually give him something to complain about: Bread and water.
Collin: What? (to Claire) She's joking, isn't she? No, seriously, Mom!
Spencer, arriving late into the kitchen: Mommy, what are we having for breakfast?
Claire, very matter-of-factly: B'ed and wahyer!
You don't want to know what followed. Evidently Spencer doesn't like being treated like a prisoner.
April 26
Collin, 20 minutes after he and Spencer couldn't concentrate on Social Studies for the day because they were so preoccupied with their new pet spider and caterpillar: I don't like that caterpillar, anyway. So i gave him to the spider!
oh. my. gosh.
Me, putting a plate of peanut butter toast on the breakfast table beside Katya: This is for Daddy. Don't eat it!
Spencer: Yeah, because she always eats Daddy's food.
Katya: Noooooo!
Spencer: Yeah you do!
Katya: Nooooo! Diego, Diego!
Because, clearly, "Diego" is the answer to all of life's little problems.
April 21
Collin, trying to get Claire in trouble by tattling one of my pet peeves: Mommmyyyyy, Claire took out her pigtails!
Me: Oh, really? Well, she didn't even have pigtails in her hair this morning.
Collin: Oh. Then what did she have? Puppy tails?
April 20
Me: Hey, Claire, do you want to help me put the trash in the trailer?
Claire, looking at me thoughtfully: "N-O 'pells 'No'."
April 18
Claire, coming to me with wide eyes and a serious expression: Mommy, Coyyin pulled down my pants and saw my bum....inreaw yife!
April 17
Katya, sitting near me when she lets one rip, then grins, enormously pleased with herself: I faht!
Obviously, her vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds.
April 7
Spencer, bursting into tears as he took a first look at himself in the mirror after enduring a terrifying, life-endangering, identity-threatening, sanity-challening...haircut: I don't look like myself! I don't want to look like a country kid with..two teeth missing!! *sob sob sob*
Guess I should have layered in the top a little more. His haircut was quickly corrected - after I stopped laughing enough to hold the scissors steady.
April 6
Katya, after I turned off the movie she was so proud to have found on the computer: Mommmyy!! Voovie no' done!
April 3
Spencer, on a toy phone: Hello? Doctor? I need a miracle for my mother. She's a little nuts.
Katya, appearing at the top of the stairs at 7am when everyone else is still asleep: Mommyy....I da' deep!"
Me: You can't sleep?
Katya, descending the stairs for her early morning cuddle: Nope. I da' deep.
She's the earliest talker of the four, and it still shocks me the things she can say at 20 mos.
April 1
Spencer, after a collision with Collin: Ohhhh, my tarnations!!
Katya: Mommyyyyy.....(no answer)...Mommyyyy......(no answer)....Mommmyyyy....Hellooooo? Mommy!
Collin, with great warmth and tenderness after coming in from the porch where he plucked last year's wilted, brown dandelion from the melting snowbank outside the house: "Mommy, look! The first dandelion of the year!"
March 30
Claire: Mommy, tan I have new eawings?
Me: New earrings? No.
Claire: But deese ones ah not pe-fect!
Whoa.
March 29
Katya, charming us all with her favorite new phrase: Chitta-chitta boo-boom! Chitta-chitta boo-boom!
Spencer: Holy Crackup!! The wax beans are growing like bananas and look like Venus FlyTraps!!
Just imagine!
March 28
Spencer, after being traumatized by the clown at a birthday party where we spent the afternoon. Evidently, clowns are the enemy: I hated that clown! And he tried to make me smile, and he almost got me, but he didn't. And then I just turned around and made a face that people wouldn't like.
Me: Nice, Spence.
Spencer, happy and content in his sense of vindication, completely missing my sarcasm: Thanks!
March 27
Claire, while the kids were arguing/discussion which songs I should sing for bedtime: I wan' you to sing "Twintle Twintle Widdle Stah!"
Spencer: Noooooooo, Claire! What's so special about it? It's just a star that looks like a diamond!
March 25
Spencer, with the other kids in the kitchen, guiding an impromptu science experiment: Now let's put this in the cup with water, and add some salt...Now let's shake it up all together!
Collin: What's going to happen?
Spencer: I don't know. That's why it's interesting!
For the record, they were mixing hair with shampoo, and salt. Nothing explosive!
Vlad to Collin after Collin had a hard time sitting still for morning reading: Do you know who succeeds in life, Collin? Those who have a sharp brain and a flat bum. You have to be like a pyramid, sitting still and applying your mind to things if you want to succeed. If you have a sharp bum and can't sit still, and you don't apply your mind so it is just flat, you'll be like an upside down pyramid, and you'll fall over easily in life. So you be like a pyramid, ok buddy?
March 20
Katya, pointing to the kitchen: Mommy, mesh!
Translation: Mommy, mess!
Me, looking in the kitchen to find one of my "nice" plates crashed on the floor. So that's what the loud sounds and squeals 10 minutes ago had been about: Oh, Katya! You did make a mess! The plate broke, huh?
Katya: Mommy, mesh. I wowwy, Mommy. I wowwy.
Awwwww.
March 18
Collin: Mommy, do you know that some dinosaurs have brains like green beans?
Me, thinking hard: Um.....green beans? Do you mean that they have brains the size of peas?
Collin: Yeah!
March 17:
Spencer: I can't believe I have to dust your bedroom! It's nasty! It's disgusting! It's not what kids are supposed to do!
Me: I can't believe I have to do your laundry! It's nasty! It's disgusting! It's not what moms are supposed to do!
Spencer: Sorry.
Collin: Mommmmmmmy! Spencer drew half a moustache on me with permanent marker!
Me: Let me see........(looking at the half-moustache over my son's lip)......here, let me draw the other half!
Yes, I did draw it. And yes, it is still there.
