Last weekend when we were in Grand Forks I most certainly did NOT take all the children and Vlad in to TJMaxx, knowing that there is a very special equation to be applied in this situation.
This is it:
(TJMaxx+Daddy shopping = kids playground) + grouchy store clerk = embarrassed/frustrated Mommy
I most certainly did NOT raise the white flag of surrender for any decent behavior to emanate from my kids in TJMaxx before we had even entered the door. The other shoppers never knew what hit them! Katya did NOT catch a glimpse of the toy section due to some negligent cart-steering on my part, and did NOT immediately start asking for a baby doll. I, being the very responsible and logical mother that I am, did NOT steer over to the toys, pick a cute doll that moved and talked from the shelves, and hand it to her, telling her that we most certainly would not be buying it, but that she could hold it while we were there. I would NEVER do that to a little girl whose cup is overflowing with maternal instinct.
She did NOT immediately fall head-over-heels in love with that doll.
She did NOT kiss its toes.
She did NOT kiss its fingers.
She did NOT say "OOOOHHHHH" every time she looked at it.
She did NOT rock it and "shush" it and sing it a song.
She did not giggle with delight over every little thing that ran through her imagination that the baby doll was doing.
She did NOT nearly wet herself when the "try me" button got pushed and the baby actually called her "Mama."
I did NOT have the feeling that my battle was over as soon as she melted into a puddle at that one little sound.
But when I found Spencer in a sort of silent awkward-glances stand-off with a shopper who evidently thought he was unaccompanied and had lost a sibling (undoubtedly because he had asked her if she had seen his sister. He does that.), that's when I called a dead-stop to all kid activities. I spied Claire darting through another aisle, and I called her over. I told her she was going to stand with me. No more running. No more playground. She did NOT throw a ginormous fit.
She did NOT continue to throw a ginormous fit while we walked around the store, and I did NOT eventually put her in time out while perusing the store for sweaters for a friend in Russia. She did NOT go ballistic. That did NOT get the attention of a store clerk who came over, gave me and Claire a the most disapproving librarian stare over her spectacles, and said, "Can I help you with something? Hmmm??" I looked at her mildly, then gave Claire my most disapproving mother look down the ridge of my nose, and finally said, "No, thank. She's just having a fit," as if it was a normal part of every shopping trip. (Truth is, TJMaxx is the only place my kids go absolutely hog-wild. I don't know why). The clerk, shaken by her inability to shake us with her glare, muttered something like, "I see that," and wandered away.
That started a lovely little conversation with some ladies around us who evidently thought I needed some encouragement after that stare of death. While we were all perusing the racks, they started talking about the horrible fits their kids had thrown in stores. They said they didn't mind if I let her cry around them. Good thing. Because I wasn't about to back down. I did NOT have the urge to hug those women right there between the aisles of discounted name brand sweaters.
All the while, I was holding strong that I still wasn't going to buy Katya's doll, despite the adorable bonding that was going on. When we got to the checkout stand, I held strong and actually managed to convince Katya that she needed to give the doll to the woman behind the stand, because the baby lived there and it was her bedtime….or something like that. I was pretty proud of my phenomenal parenting skills *cough cough* when we managed to leave without the doll in tow. After all, I've only recently thrown away most of the toys, and I don't plan on bringing in more to replace them.
When we got home, Katya immediately went to our shopping bag and dug through it. "Mommy, where baby? Where baby?" "It's not here Katya, it's at the store." "Where Baby, Mommy?" "It's not here, Katya." "Not here? Where i' it?" "You left it at the store, remember? It was sleeping." "Sleeping? Where Baby?" Oh, goodness.
In the morning she came downstairs and the very first thing she asked for was her baby. She searched for it for two days. But mind you, she wasn't actually distraught, because she loved that baby so much that it was actually inconceivable to her that we hadn't brought it home. So she just thought she hadn't found it yet.
That's when it did NOT dawn on me that I had committed an epic parent fail, separating this toddler Mama from her plastic machine-child. And so…….
This past Friday when we went to Grand Forks again, I did NOT leave Spencer in charge and run as quickly as possible into TJMaxx and bring out the same doll to an unsuspecting little girlie with pigtails who was still buckled into her car seat. I would never be so frivolous and give into my daughter's materialistic whims. When she saw her baby, her mouth did NOT drop open so huge it showed the red under her lower eyelids. She was NOT thrilled to pieces. The baby did NOT stay with her the rest of the day, get shown to passersby, share her seat in the grocery cart, and get protected from any infringements of personal space by adoring aunt and uncles. She hasn't been away from it since. Baby is a part of the family, mechanized head movements and all.
